True reconciliation requires that we be genuinely repentant, humble, transparent, and sincere before God and before the one whom we have offended. These qualities must be expressed in the attitudes, actions, and words that we use to ask for his forgiveness.
Reconciliation involves a spirit-to-spirit communication in which our sincerity is instantly discerned.
Since few offenses are 100% our fault, and since we instinctively look for ways to justify our actions, our biggest challenge in reconciliation will be to focus on our part of the offense and be sincerely grieved over it. Any lack of true repentance will come out in statements such as these: “If I was wrong, will you forgive me?” or “I know that I was partly to blame; please forgive me,” or “I understand you were offended by what I did, and I apologize.”
Jacob knew that his life and the lives of his family members depended on his making reconciliation the right way. Esau was approaching with 400 men! Jacob wisely sent gifts to Esau before he even saw Esau face to face. Scripture states, “A gift in secret pacifieth anger: and a reward in the bosom strong wrath” (Proverbs 21:14). Jacob referred to himself as Esau’s servant, and Jacob referred to Esau as his lord. He wrestled with the Lord for a blessing and bowed down seven times as he approached his offended brother.
When Esau saw evidences of sincere repentance, he ran to meet Jacob, embraced him, fell on his neck, kissed him, and they wept. Jacob further demonstrated his sincerity by saying, “… I have seen thy face, as though I had seen the face of God” (Genesis 33:10).
The prodigal son carefully chose his words of reconciliation: “Father, I have sinned against heaven, and before thee, and I am no more worthy to be called thy son: make me as one of thy hired servants” (Luke 15:18–19).
A request for forgiveness should be as brief as possible since it is one’s spirit that will be doing the real communicating. You should explain that God has convicted you of how wrong you were in offending him and that you have come to ask for his forgiveness. Explain how your offense must have deeply hurt him. The more you understand and “feel” his hurt, the easier it will be for him to forgive you. Be ready to make financial restitution if the damages were tangible.
Before you go, ask a friend to pray for you. This will strengthen and motivate you to follow through in the act of “dying to self” so that you can have a deeper experience of true life!
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